Bullying in today’s society

Submitted by: Kimmie

Is your child a bully? No one wants to hear this. It’s a very harsh label. Sadly, so many things can be categorized as bullying. Recently, someone used the term “bullying” in describing an incident that I would not have categorized as “bullying”. So I decided to investigate a little and write this article. If one child can be saved from bullying or stopped from being a bully, it will have done it’s job!

We all know that typical bullying can be name calling, laughing at, stealing someone’s things, physically threatening someone, etc. But, the website pacerkidsagainstbullying.org also describes bullying as; “leaving someone out on purpose, starting rumors about someone, telling lies, making someone feel bad about who they are, and/or sending mean messages on cell phone or computer” (also known as cyber bullying).

Bullying is not something new. It’s just more evolved in this day and age. I remember being bullied on a few occasions in Jr. High. Nothing horrible, but enough that it’s still stuck in my head. So, if I can still feel the sting of what I would now call minor bullying, imagine what some of these kids nowadays are feeling. Imagine how they will feel years from now.

When my daughter was in middle school, she had the unfortunate luck of becoming friends with someone we found out later was a narcissistic liar with parents who had their head buried so far in the sand it wasn’t even funny. Suffice to say, after the absolute madness my daughter had to endure, I finally pulled her out to home school her. I still have the crazy letters this girl wrote to my daughter. As we found out from others, this seemed to be common practice with her, and her parents did nothing. In fact, recently I was messaged by someone I did not know, and I found out she is still spewing lies about me and she’s and adult now. Maybe if her parents didn’t close their eyes to the signs, or neglect what other parents told them, things could have been different.  I really pray some day her eyes open, but due to the recent message, I’m not holding out hope.

The website nobullying.com states: “Many parents view bullying as simply a part of growing up. Often they do not realize the devastating effects. It can easily escalate from one or two incidents, and becomes a regular problem. soon it is a steady barrage of demeaning incidents on a regular occasion. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for 10 to 34 year olds, according to the Center for Disease Control.” Any child committing suicide is devastating, but a 10 year old? A 10 year old should not even know what suicide is!

Pacerkidsagainstbullying.org is a wealth of information. For instance, I learned that there’s a difference between tattling and telling. Who knew? You can be sure if you’re kid is being bullied or is the bully, other kids are involved, or at least aware. Most kids who witness a bullying situation do nothing because they don’t want to be a tattle tale. But there is a difference, and you should teach it to your children. Tattling is done when you want to get someone in trouble. There’s a hurtful motive behind tattling. Telling is when you are trying to protect yourself or someone else from getting hurt, physically or emotionally.

Bullying is NEVER okay. If your child tells you they are being bullied or you notice your child upset every day, or not wanting to go to school, coming home crying, just being quite and withdrawn, etc, please don’t ignore them. It will not go away. Bullying can be devastating and obviously deadly, as you can see from the statistics above. Impacts of bullying on a child include mental suffering, depression, anxiety and sadness. They may even become physically sick.

Personally, I don’t think the victims of bullying are the only victims. Scenario: Your child bullies my child constantly. You think it’s just kid stuff and won’t intervene. My child finally has enough and commits suicide. Unless completely heartless, your child and your family will feel the effects of this eventually, and have to live with the fact that their actions caused this outcome.

It doesn’t have to be like this. We can all work together to save our kids from being the bully, or being the one bullied. How you ask? If you think, or have been told your child is bullying, Please don’t ignore it. Talk to your child and explain the real damage bullying can cause. Perhaps, role play and treat your child like they have been treating the other person. Maybe they truly do not understand the hurt they are causing. Do whatever you have to do and be repetitive. If they truly do not care about the hurt they are causing, then maybe it’s time for professional intervention. Someone’s life could depend on it.

If your child is the one being bullied, make it clear to them that this is not their fault. pacerkidsagainstbullying.org states: “Remember: If you are being bullied, it is NOT your fault! Nope. Never. Not one bit!”  In most cases, bullying is about the person doing the bullying. Try to speak with that child’s parents and see if they will help you resolve this. Sometimes parents do not know their child is being hurtful. If your child feels threatened or unsafe at school or anywhere else, tell them to seek out the nearest adult who can help. If your child is a witness to bullying, teach them that it’s okay to speak up. Teach them to take a stand for what is right. To reach out to the person being bullied like they would want that person to reach out to them. No child has the right to make another suffer just because they feel like it.

Bullies usually don’t “grow out” of bullying. According to Utterly Global, an organization dedicated to anti bullying, “children who were bullies in grades six to nine are 60 percent more likely to have a criminal conviction by the age of 24. A bully is also five times more likely than a victim to have a serious criminal record in adulthood. Even bullies who grow up to work in an office instead of entering the judicial system cause problems for others. According to the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, workplace bullying causes $3 billion in lost productivity and a staggering $19 billion loss in employment every year.”

Sadly, in this day and age, with cell phones and internet, bullying has become much worse that the old “schoolyard brawl.” Children who are emotionally bullied can feel the pain long after the bullying has stopped. Check out the websites I have linked. They have tons of information. Let’s take a stand and help make the world a better place for our children and grandchildren!